Sometimes I’m completely all right with being single and then there’re other times when I want to curl into a ball and cry in my own self-misery.
There are times when I just feel so incredibly alone that all I long for is a pair of arms to wrap around me. Or when I just want someone to hold me and tell me that life’s going to be okay, and I mean someone other than my own family.
But it’s weird. I tell myself not to worry so much, I mean, I’m still young.
I have time to deal with love and all the glorious things that go with it; I shouldn’t be worrying like this.
I shouldn’t feel like crying myself to sleep sometimes because I’m afraid I won’t ever get the chance to experience real love like I see out on the streets, or the type of love I see old couples sharing. Seriously, I want to cry when I see an older couple, where they’re both in their 80s and they’re still so in love. It’s crazy! Think how long they’ve been together; think how much they’ve gone through with one another; think how many fights they’ve had, but think how many times they’ve made up and gotten through the tough times.
I want a love like that, a true, real love that’s so deep that we’ll be together until we’re old cripples in a nursing home.
I want someone to grow old with, someone to help me through all the hard times and someone to laugh with me through all the good times. Someone to let me help them and laugh with them as well. Someone who completes me, but does not define me.
If I mention this to someone like my aunt, she takes the 'mother’s oath' and assures me that I’ll find happiness later. She tells me that love will come to me, but when the time is right.
Forget that, it’s not always like that! Look where many people are, they're divorced, and haven't found true love on their own. So, how can I?
And yet my aunt has the nerve to tell me not to worry, because everything will fall into place for me when I’m older. When I’m older. Screw that, I don’t want to wait until then. What if it doesn’t fall into place, what if it all comes crashing down around me?
I’m sure it could. I have four really close friends as it is, and that’s a near miracle. Considering I have a hard time letting people truly get past my walls.
People say I’m a freak of nature all because they think I think weird or have too many out there thoughts or because I am so blunt that they do not want to hear truth. In school people thought I dressed weird or was strange because I hung out with many different -very different- people from different groups. Jocks, skaters, punks, goths - see, very different.
If kids at my own school didn’t even understand me, then how are people out in the 'real world' supposed to understand me? How am I supposed to be reassured that one person out there in the huge world will look through the crowd, catch me, and understand me enough so that they’ll even fall in love with me?
What are my chances? There’re like 6.6 billion people in the world, and I’m supposed to be reassured that one of those 6.6 billion people will understand me.
That really narrows it down for me, doesn’t it?
I wish I could skip ahead in life, or get a sneak preview just to know if things end up well or not, and then maybe I’d be able to fall asleep at night without worrying about where I’ll be in the future.
I’m scared of what the future holds for me, in terms of love especially. I couldn’t care less if I’ll be living in a mansion or a shack out in the middle of the woods with no running water. All I want to know is whose face I’ll roll over to see in bed every morning for the rest of my life. All I want to know is who that one person is that I'm meant to be with.
But wishing won’t work, I know that much. There’s no genie in a bottle, so I’m out of luck.
I just… I don’t know… Am I the only one who feels like this? And at this age?
*sighs* Sorry to rant like this... I just wanted to talk about what is on my mind.
Eccentrically Yours, Lynn
Sometimes I’m completely all right with being single and then there’re other times when I want to curl into a ball and cry in my own self-misery.
There are times when I just feel so incredibly alone that all I long for is a pair of arms to wrap around me. Or when I just want someone to hold me and tell me that life’s going to be okay, and I mean someone other than my own family.
But it’s weird. I tell myself not to worry so much, I mean, I’m still young.
I have time to deal with love and all the glorious things that go with it; I shouldn’t be worrying like this.
I shouldn’t feel like crying myself to sleep sometimes because I’m afraid I won’t ever get the chance to experience real love like I see out on the streets, or the type of love I see old couples sharing. Seriously, I want to cry when I see an older couple, where they’re both in their 80s and they’re still so in love. It’s crazy! Think how long they’ve been together; think how much they’ve gone through with one another; think how many fights they’ve had, but think how many times they’ve made up and gotten through the tough times.
I want a love like that, a true, real love that’s so deep that we’ll be together until we’re old cripples in a nursing home.
I want someone to grow old with, someone to help me through all the hard times and someone to laugh with me through all the good times. Someone to let me help them and laugh with them as well. Someone who completes me, but does not define me.
If I mention this to someone like my aunt, she takes the 'mother’s oath' and assures me that I’ll find happiness later. She tells me that love will come to me, but when the time is right.
Forget that, it’s not always like that! Look where many people are, they're divorced, and haven't found true love on their own. So, how can I?
And yet my aunt has the nerve to tell me not to worry, because everything will fall into place for me when I’m older. When I’m older. Screw that, I don’t want to wait until then. What if it doesn’t fall into place, what if it all comes crashing down around me?
I’m sure it could. I have four really close friends as it is, and that’s a near miracle. Considering I have a hard time letting people truly get past my walls.
People say I’m a freak of nature all because they think I think weird or have too many out there thoughts or because I am so blunt that they do not want to hear truth. In school people thought I dressed weird or was strange because I hung out with many different -very different- people from different groups. Jocks, skaters, punks, goths - see, very different.
If kids at my own school didn’t even understand me, then how are people out in the 'real world' supposed to understand me? How am I supposed to be reassured that one person out there in the huge world will look through the crowd, catch me, and understand me enough so that they’ll even fall in love with me?
What are my chances? There’re like 6.6 billion people in the world, and I’m supposed to be reassured that one of those 6.6 billion people will understand me.
That really narrows it down for me, doesn’t it?
I wish I could skip ahead in life, or get a sneak preview just to know if things end up well or not, and then maybe I’d be able to fall asleep at night without worrying about where I’ll be in the future.
I’m scared of what the future holds for me, in terms of love especially. I couldn’t care less if I’ll be living in a mansion or a shack out in the middle of the woods with no running water. All I want to know is whose face I’ll roll over to see in bed every morning for the rest of my life. All I want to know is who that one person is that I'm meant to be with.
But wishing won’t work, I know that much. There’s no genie in a bottle, so I’m out of luck.
I just… I don’t know… Am I the only one who feels like this? And at this age?
*sighs* Sorry to rant like this... I just wanted to talk about what is on my mind.
Eccentrically Yours, Lynn
"There is no darker place than the depths of your very own soul. Drink deeply from within, awaken, and be free."
@ Willow - As always, you made me smile. Thank you so much for what you had to say. I guess I never really saw all the things I strive for as part of what makes me unique..To me it is just as natural as breathing. I guess sometimes we can be blind to what makes us stand out lol. I am glad you find me unique. You have talked to me enough to know that I can be a little strange lol. I suppose you are right though, all of those things about me are what makes me who I am. As far as overcoming hurdles that many my age and older cannot imagine...This is true for the most part, but there are those out there who have been through so much more. Yet all that I have seen are what helped shape me to be the person I am today. Thank you so much for saying honestly what you think, as usual, I really appreciate how you state what you think or feel and hold ntohing back. That is one of the things that makes me love you so dearly. You do not pretend to be someone you are not, you do not fool with pretenses. I love that about you. That last thing you said about him possibly readign this right now (or any of my blogs for that matter - oh no! lol) Really made me crack up...not that it is really that funny, but because it is an amusing idea of the irony that would entail lol. I know, I know, I am way too easily amused. I am eagerly awaiting your e-mail reply, hon. Take your time though, I understand you may be busy as well. Love ya!
@ Michelle Thank you so much for taking the time to write a reply. What you had to say was sweet. I am glad you found my profile refreshing, I sometimes think many do not because I rarely, if ever, get any messages about anything in my profile lol. Sometimes I wonder if maybe my capacity to crave intellectual stimulation scares many away. lol. *sighs* oh well, that is okay. Like Willow said, the right one will be out there somewhere, and once he finds me he will be worth it (a man worth his salt anyways, as you said.) hehehe that worth his salt made me laugh. I never heard anyone else besides myself use that terminology before.
I think I am rambling again..... I think I shall shut up now. I want to write another blog, but I have to wait until I have more time to do so. Yippie!
@ Willow - As always, you made me smile. Thank you so much for what you had to say. I guess I never really saw all the things I strive for as part of what makes me unique..To me it is just as natural as breathing. I guess sometimes we can be blind to what makes us stand out lol. I am glad you find me unique. You have talked to me enough to know that I can be a little strange lol. I suppose you are right though, all of those things about me are what makes me who I am. As far as overcoming hurdles that many my age and older cannot imagine...This is true for the most part, but there are those out there who have been through so much more. Yet all that I have seen are what helped shape me to be the person I am today. Thank you so much for saying honestly what you think, as usual, I really appreciate how you state what you think or feel and hold ntohing back. That is one of the things that makes me love you so dearly. You do not pretend to be someone you are not, you do not fool with pretenses. I love that about you. That last thing you said about him possibly readign this right now (or any of my blogs for that matter - oh no! lol) Really made me crack up...not that it is really that funny, but because it is an amusing idea of the irony that would entail lol. I know, I know, I am way too easily amused. I am eagerly awaiting your e-mail reply, hon. Take your time though, I understand you may be busy as well. Love ya!
@ Michelle Thank you so much for taking the time to write a reply. What you had to say was sweet. I am glad you found my profile refreshing, I sometimes think many do not because I rarely, if ever, get any messages about anything in my profile lol. Sometimes I wonder if maybe my capacity to crave intellectual stimulation scares many away. lol. *sighs* oh well, that is okay. Like Willow said, the right one will be out there somewhere, and once he finds me he will be worth it (a man worth his salt anyways, as you said.) hehehe that worth his salt made me laugh. I never heard anyone else besides myself use that terminology before.
I think I am rambling again..... I think I shall shut up now. I want to write another blog, but I have to wait until I have more time to do so. Yippie!
"There is no darker place than the depths of your very own soul. Drink deeply from within, awaken, and be free."
No, Lynn, I'm sure you aren't the only one that has these feelings. In your position, with a small child, college, and basically on your own, making a life, it's natural to want that love, that companionship . You are quite unique. Your personal drive to make a better life for your little one and yourself takes a lot of your time, and, is very admirable, to me. You have overcome hurdles most women your age can't even imagine, nor for that matter, women older than you. He will be a special man, the one who captures your heart, and, he will appreciate every smile, touch, and gesture of love you are keeping safe, just for him.
Who knows, maybe he is reading about you right now !! Keep smiling and just being you, who you are !
LY
M
No, Lynn, I'm sure you aren't the only one that has these feelings. In your position, with a small child, college, and basically on your own, making a life, it's natural to want that love, that companionship . You are quite unique. Your personal drive to make a better life for your little one and yourself takes a lot of your time, and, is very admirable, to me. You have overcome hurdles most women your age can't even imagine, nor for that matter, women older than you. He will be a special man, the one who captures your heart, and, he will appreciate every smile, touch, and gesture of love you are keeping safe, just for him.
Who knows, maybe he is reading about you right now !! Keep smiling and just being you, who you are !
You are an articulate, attractive young woman. I really don't think you will spend the rest of your life alone. Stick to your beliefs and requirements with regards not only to yourself, but to anyone you let into your life. Your profile was well-written and refreshing to read. I think any man worth his salt would be very fortunate to have you in his life! I think your Aunt is right. Sometimes things are found by not looking so hard. I wish you well. You have friends here on MM. :-)
You are an articulate, attractive young woman. I really don't think you will spend the rest of your life alone. Stick to your beliefs and requirements with regards not only to yourself, but to anyone you let into your life. Your profile was well-written and refreshing to read. I think any man worth his salt would be very fortunate to have you in his life! I think your Aunt is right. Sometimes things are found by not looking so hard. I wish you well. You have friends here on MM. :-)
